========================================================================== NOTICE: - Deslea's URL is now http://www.deslea.com or http://fiction.deslea.com. - Email address is now deslea@deslea.com. - May be archived by Scully/Skinner specialty archives only. This information supercedes all other information found in this file. ========================================================================== Someone I Trusted III: Always *NC17* 1/1 Deslea R. Judd drjudd@primus.com.au/drjudd@catholic.org Copyright 1998 DISCLAIMER This work is based on The X Files, a creation of Chris Carter owned by him, Twentieth Century Fox, and Ten-Thirteen Productions. Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Kim Cooke, and Sharon Skinner remain the intellectual property of those parties and are used without their consent and without commercial gain. Susannah Skinner is my creation and may not be used elsewhere without my consent. Spoilers: One Breath, Blessing Way, Paper Clip, Piper Maru, Apocrypha, Avatar. Category: Vignette, Romance (Skinner/Scully). Rating: NC17 for sex. Summary: Sequel to Someone I Trusted I and II (The SSR File). You don't need to have read the first two to appreciate this, but it's recommended. Fan mail is always appreciated!!! My e-mail is drjudd@primus.com.au. Archivists, feel free to add this to your collections; but be sure to let me know. This and my other stories may be found at http://home.primus.com.au/drjudd (shameless plug). PREVIOUS TITLES: Someone I Trusted (The Blessing Way), in which Scully pulls a gun on Skinner...and surprises him Someone I Trusted II: The SSR File, in which Scully and Skinner discuss their coupling and try again Someone I Trusted III: Always *NC17* 1/1 Deslea R. Judd drjudd@primus.com.au/drjudd@catholic.org Copyright 1998 //"If I may say so, Sir, it has everything to do with interest. Just not yours, and not mine."// Skinner stared out the window of Kimberley's office as Dana Scully stormed off in a fury of crushing grief. He had had to deliver to her the devastating news that the inquiry into the murder of her sister was to be made inactive - despite his reassurances to the contrary, precisely for lack of interest. And despite his reassurances that he would attempt to reverse that decision, they both knew he would be unsuccessful. It had been five months since Melissa's death, five months since they had none-too-ceremoniously ended their relationship, as quickly as it had began. They had had sex once, and then, a second time, had made love, erasing the fear and the meaninglessness of the first encounter with the love and commitment of the second. But on their return from the desert of Maryland's wastelands, Scully's sister had died of the gunshot wound that had been meant for her. Skinner had been at her side when the news broke. He had watched her wage a futile battle with the tears before slumping against him, as though physically struck. He had nursed and comforted her with the tenderness of a parent, saying soothing nonsense words into her hair as he had so often to his daughter, Susannah, now in Europe at boarding school. At last, she had broken away and risen to her feet. "Walter," she said softly, not looking at him, "this changes things." Skinner stared at her. "Changes things? How?" Scully's face contorted as she fought her tears. He couldn't see it, but he could sense it. "I can't be with you, Walter. I need to fight and beat this. I can't let it defeat me. And to do that, I need to be strong. You...you I would trust enough to let go with, to be weak with. If I do that, this will kill me." She did weep then. "I'm sorry." He rose and took her in his arms then. "So am I, Scully. So am I." Scully pulled away then. "Thank you for understanding, Walter. I'm not asking you to wait-" Skinner cut her off. "I will always wait for you." Scully had not argued with that, perhaps lacking the strength. So he had kissed her once, and walked away. The intervening months had not been so hard as he had feared. They had been close, sharing low key lunches and the occasional dinner - just enough for Kimberley to notice. Their rare kisses were lingering, yet chaste in quality. Kissing without intent, he liked to call it. As much as he missed her, dreamed of her, more than anything he ached for her to let him simply hold her. Now, he stared down the corridor through which she had fled, knowing she had been felled, at least momentarily, by this blow. He made a decision, and picked up Kimberley's telephone. Scully stared down at the airline ticket Mulder had given to her moments before, her brow furrowing. She really wasn't up to this right now. She supposed she could have told him about Melissa and he would have understood, but she just couldn't do it. Her cell phone rang. She opened the flip. "Scully." "It's Walter," he said softly. She attempted to pre-empt him. "Walter, I'm fine-" He ignored her. "Could you come back up here please?" Scully sighed with sudden exhaustion. "On my way." Skinner had just taken his place in his own office when Scully arrived. "You wanted to see me?" Skinner looked up. "Come in, Scully." He came to meet her, closing and locking the door behind her. She frowned, perplexed, but didn't comment. "You wanted to see me?" she repeated. Skinner snapped, "Don't keep saying 'You wanted to see me' like a damn china doll, Scully." "You mean a talking doll, Walter," she corrected helpfully. "We shouldn't speak here," she added parenthetically. Skinner said just as parenthetically, "It's safe. The office was swept a few minutes ago. That's why I spoke to you in Kim's office - they were just here." With effort, he controlled his growing temper. "Scully, damn it, I'm sick of the I'm-okay posturing. I don't think it's healthy. I know this thing with Melissa has hit you hard-" Scully's expression darkened. "I don't want to hear it, Walter," she said sharply. She rose. "I don't want to talk about this." Turning on her heel, she bolted for the door. He beat her to it, grabbing her hand as she reached out for the door handle. "Well I do!" he insisted. He held her wrist in an iron grip. She twisted it viciously in an effort to get free. "I don't," she snarled through clenched teeth. Skinner didn't release her. "It's okay to let it out. I am //ordering// you to let it out. And afterwards you can tell yourself it didn't count because I made you, if it makes you feel better about it. But let it flow just for a little while." Their gazes met for a long moment as she continued to struggle, the battle of wills waged in their eyes. She saw the clarity in them, and suddenly knew she could trust him to get her through what she could not survive alone. And then she realised the iron grip on her wrist had become a soft, imploring stroking of her fingers. He nodded slowly. "It's all right, Dana," he whispered. "I'll keep you safe." And then, quite suddenly, she crumpled. She sank to her knees, weeping in deep gutteral moans. Her sounds were incoherent. He was there with her, his body curled around hers, and she clutched at his jacket feverishly. He couldn't make out much, but he did make out, "-my fault-". He cradled her even closer then. "No, no," he said, almost singsong, soothingly. "Their fault. Not yours. You would die for her and not blame her. And neither would she blame you. Not your fault," he soothed. Her weeping eventually tapered off into hitching little sobs, and she stayed very still. For a long moment, he thought she was asleep. But when he shifted minutely, she looked up at him, her face tearstained, but her eyes dry. They were dark with spent emotion and exhaustion; dark and unfathomable. He leaned forward and kissed her, gently, chastely. "Dana-" he broke off. She moaned softly as he pulled away, some part of her begging him not to leave her alone. Nonetheless, she shook her head weakly. "Don't, Walter," she whispered. "I can only take right now. I can't give you the love you deserve." He smoothed back the hair from her face in an almost maternal gesture. "Dana, don't. I love you. That's just how it is. You don't need to earn it." He broke away and sat crosslegged, giving her space without leaving her. She sat likewise, facing him, a wry smile on her face. "Why did Sharon leave you, Walter?" Her tone was curious. Skinner was taken aback. "What?" She continued. "You're very generous and very patient and very giving - more than any woman has a right to ask. I don't understand why she would leave you." He shook his head. "Dana, if I am generous or patient or giving, it's because I learned too late that a lack of those things cost me Sharon. I was a pretty lousy husband, to tell the truth. I just...shut her out. Exactly the same way you try to shut me out," he added pointedly. Scully hung her head. "Oh, Walter." She shook it, copper curls flying. Looking up, she took his hands. "I've missed you," she sighed wistfully. She leaned forward, took his face between her slim palms, and kissed him gently, her tongue less an invasion than a loving caress. With a low sound, he returned the kiss, his hands still sitting dumbly in her lap where she'd dropped them. He neither touched her nor pulled her to him, just savoured her soft lips between his, his tongue sliding into her with all the gentleness of a spring breeze. He felt that drowsy, sluggish feeling of insistent arousal muted by a sense that he could sit here gently kissing her lips for all time. In the end it was she who broke the spell. Breaking away, she breathed, "I want you, Walter. I want you to make love to me." Her eyes held his, dark and inscrutable. He touched her cheek. "Are you sure?" he asked simply. She nodded. Skinner rose and went to the desk. Lifting the receiver, he said in a carefully neutral tone, "Kimberley, Agent Scully and I are in conference. No calls for an hour please." He walked to each of the two access doors and locked them in turn. "She won't suspect?" Scully asked, amused. Skinner snorted. "Of course she will. But like all good personal assistants, she subscribes to the 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy at all times." She watched him with an indulgent little smile. She wasn't aroused - that wasn't why she wanted this now. Rather, she needed, more than anything, to be held, to feel connected to him. In truth she had felt sexually dead these five months. And yet the idea of this coupling did not disturb her. It filled her with hope. Skinner, for his part, knew well enough that this was not really physical for Scully - perhaps better than she herself did. With a seventeen year marriage behind him, comfort fucks in the bad times were familiar territory. Though they lacked the animus of a lustful encounter, in a strange way he enjoyed their intimacy. Turning away from the door, he walked over to Dana, holding out his hands. She took them and allowed him to pull her up. He removed her heavy black coat and hung it up. He walked to the black leather lounge and sat, her following like a docile child. Pulling her down at his side, he took her into his arms, let her snuggle in against him. Gently, he rubbed her neck and shoulders, trying to ease that essential tension that had been inexorably etched into the lines of her when Missy died. His fingers drifted easily over her scalp, her neck, her earlobes and shoulders until she sighed, slumping in against him, her hands idly stroking him through his shirt. Finally, slowly, he eased her back into the lounge, her shock of hair framing her face. She drew in her breath as his shadow fell over her, and for the first time she felt that faint giddy frission of desire. Suddenly the burden of too many months alone seemed unbearably heavy. To be held, touched; to join with another....somehow an incredible hunger had been unleashed. Suddenly she was leaning up to kiss him, insistently, demandingly. Her mouth plundered his urgently. Feeling slightly drunk, she breathed, "Walter, please...I need you." He drew back. "What do you need, Dana?" he asked breathlessly. "I need you to touch me. Touch me like a woman, not a doll you're afraid to break." She took his hand. "Touch me here," she whispered, bringing it to the swell of her breast, cupping his fingers over it, rotating it slowly. "Or here," bringing his other hand down over her hip, her thigh, the still-clothed juncture at the top of her legs, then back up to her throat. "Take me and make me part of you. Don't leave me alone in this glass box you've made for me in your mind." A small frown crossed his face as he digested this. Then, wordlessly, he cradled her head in his hands and kissed her, pulling her firmly against him, moaning against her mouth. This time, his hands slid over her body as he mindlessly murmured her name. The warmth of his fingers radiated over her breasts, her stomach, her pubis, her legs. She shifted beneath him, arousal slowly building, as she clutched at his shoulders. Her legs parted automatically, entwining themselves around his body. Still kissing him, she unbuttoned his shirt, hasty desire rendering her clumsy and ineffectual. He gave a low laugh against her mouth, which turned to a moan when she ran her fingertips over his shoulders, pushing it off him. He dragged the shirt off his arms, uttering a frustrated oath when one hand caught on the cuff. She shook with laughter as she released him, her mouth still moving languidly against his. It occured to Scully that she would like to kiss his neck, his ears; but somehow their desperate kiss was so much more important than anything else either of them did with their bodies. He seemed to understand that, because he, too, made no move to break away, touching her instead with his fingers, his hands. It seemed to her that this act of intercourse would take place not between her legs, but in this coupling at the mouth; that the joining that would occur elsewhere in their bodies was merely peripheral. This intimacy of their locked gazes was central. Skinner leaned back to sit up, pulling her with him. He unfastened the big fabric-covered buttons of her crimson jacket. She shrugged it off and threw it aside. Reluctantly, she broke the kiss and dragged her thin burgundy sweater over her head. He leaned in towards her as though to kiss her, but this time to speak. His lips brushing her cheek, he breathed, "I still love you, Dana." The faint whisper of warmth of his breath sent shudders through her. Scully moaned, flinging back her head. How could he do this to her with barely a touch? she wondered, not for the first time. Wildly, she sighed, "I love you too, Walter; I never stopped. It was always you for me." "Always?" he echoed in wonder, pulling back from her. She nodded, leaning towards his lips. "Always," she breathed, a hair's breadth from him, and then her lips met his. She pressed her body against his, felt the throb of his heartbeat against her own. He unzipped her skirt and lifted her slightly. She straightened her legs and allowed him to slide it off her, shuddering slightly as his hands ran over the length of them. He laid her back on the lounge, stood, and removed his trousers and her pantyhose. Darkness descended for a moment as his shadow fell across her, possessing her, and for a long strange moment she felt as though he were within her already. She held out her arms, and he went into them with a ragged sigh, meeting her upturned mouth with his. He pulled her bra straps off her shoulders, brushing his palms over them. He grazed his fingers over her jaw, then ran his palm down her throat and over her breast, cupping it, pressing it firmly. It seemed her breath caught in her throat. "Walter," she said thickly. He worked the other hand into her panties, but did not touch her. Instead, he teased the thatch of red curls there, smiling secretly as she gave a low, imploring moan. Suddenly, she pushed him backwards and sat up on her knees. Deftly, she reached behind her and unfastened her bra, casting it aside. She knelt up and pushed down her panties, primly swinging her legs over the side of the lounge to remove them the rest of the way. Skinner removed his own briefs, watching her with some amusement. Naked now, she pressed her body against his once more. This time, his chest pressed her bare breasts, pushing them upwards, her bare nipples thrust into prominence. He stared down at them for a moment, then bent to take one in his mouth, taking it gently between his teeth and turning it slightly. Her body throbbed in response. Lower, she could feel his cock against her pubis, hard and warm and demanding. She felt that dull ache deep in her stomach, that ache women get when they want to be filled...joined with another. Her knees were weak, and now it was he who held her body against his. She pressed against him even harder, her kiss insistent, her hands roaming feverishly. She took one of his nipples between her finger and thumb, flicked it back and forth gently. This time, it was he who gave a rasping exclamation, turning to a moan when she took his cock in her hands. She pushed him back on the lounge and bent her head, seemed to contemplate him a moment, then took him into her mouth. He was salty. She encircled the head with her tongue, gently probing the tiny opening. She nuzzled the diamond- shaped patch of nerve endings on the underside, and was rewarded with a jerking gasp. He had regressed to pre-vocal communication, she thought with a silent giggle. With all the relish of a conisseur, she took him in her mouth and slid down him, her hand firmly pumping the lower part she couldn't accommodate. With her other hand she cupped his balls, softly rolling them back and forth. She kept going until his movements grew jerky, then pulled away. He sat up and drew her to him. He laid her back and kissed her once, then moved down her body, his nose blazing a trail to her core. Her legs parted involuntarily. He ran his hands over her hips, then brought them down to part her lips. And then the softness engulfed her. With difficulty, she concentrated on her breathing. It was too easy to go racing to the edge...and then just stop. Breathe in, breathe out (oh, yes, Walter, do that, just like that), breathe in (so warm...so warm), breathe out, breathe in...he sucked gently on her engorged clitoris, and she whimpered with agonising pleasure, spreading slowly but inexorably through her body like molten lava. Breathe out, Dana (God, oh God, thank you for him, for this, for now), breathe in (yes, my love, so warm so warm so warm)- She came, her hands cradling his head, shuddering not outside her body but deep inside. She gave a single breathless cry. Not a move betrayed her, but when he laid his head against her stomach, he could feel deep ripples of movement, her muscles singing in symphony. She lay completely still, and he himself felt utter completion. He hauled himself up her body, coming to rest with his head between her breasts. He would have gone to sleep there, he was sure, if she hadn't spread her legs wider beneath him. "Now, Walter," she said in a low voice. "Love me now." He didn't enter her straight away, but gazed at her, silently asking if she were sure. "I'm sure," Scully whispered earnestly. "Always." There was a nudging, a bead of heat against her. And then the warmth seared into her, then again, and again, and she clung to him, her lips on his, her gaze fixed on his, her body opening to meet him, wanting only to be owned, possessed, worshipped, loved. //Women's lib be damned,// she thought wryly, //there is only this...to be taken in the truest sense, to be transformed into something other than what you were//. And perhaps he caught something of this in her eyes, because he stared at her with such a piercing gaze that she felt it everywhere, like fire...her jaw, her throat, her nipples, in the pit of her stomach and deep in her core, where they were joined. And most of all in her heart, which she felt would burst with it. He thrust into her slowly, evenly, wanting this union to last even as his breathing became ragged with racing desire. Skinner clasped his arms around her, his mouth cherishing hers. He came, her name on his lips, felt her contract to cling to him still as he emptied himself into her, and he realised that for the third time now, he had loved her unprotected. Why? //Set that thought aside.// He held her tightly, his head and heart so urgently ablaze with love he was sure he would burst. //Dana...my love.// But the thought would not be set aside. //I want her to be pregnant,// he thought slowly, still inside her, as their bodies came to rest against one another. //I want to make her pregnant.// Why? Did he want to marry her? Did he want a child when he didn't even know the one he had? Just what lay in the mind of a man who would make his lover pregnant? And just what lay in the mind of a woman who would let him? Disturbing thought. Why on earth had she never insisted on birth control? Did she want what he wanted? Could that be? "Dana?" he said softly. She stirred slightly, but did not move, lest he should leave her body. "What is it, Walter?" "Are you on the Pill?" he asked diffidently. Scully shook her head cautiously. She had expected this sooner. "No, Walter, I'm not. I'm not using anything." Skinner frowned. "Why not? Is it your religion?" She laughed softly. "No, it isn't. I'm not //that// Catholic." She paused. "Perhaps I am, in a way. It's true I won't use the Pill, or IUDs, because they prevent implantation, not conception. But that's not why I haven't used //anything//." "Then why?" he asked softly. Her good humour faded. "I don't know, Walter. I can't answer that." He frowned. "Do you //want// a baby, Dana?" Scully breathed in sharply. Did she? //Did// she? Had he hit on what she herself had not known? She replied cautiously, slowly. "It would be a massively stupid thing to do...what with my lifestyle and everything. And...we don't really know where this is going yet-" He cut her off. "That's not what I asked, Dana. I asked if you wanted a baby." She met his gaze. "In an ideal world, maybe. But in this world it would compromise the X Files. No, I don't want a baby now." She averted her eyes. "Do you? Is that why you're pushing this?" Skinner shrugged uneasily. "For me, too, it would be a stupid thing to do. My lifestyle...the question marks over us...and God knows, I don't have the best track record...I have a sixteen year old daughter who I see for two weeks at Christmas. But...that's not what you asked." He gave her a wry grin. "Yes, I do. Very much." He frowned. "I'm not pushing for this, Dana. I wouldn't have even mentioned it if this birth control thing hadn't come up. And I'm not asking you to have a child with me. I'm just putting it out there...that that's something I want in the future. You need to know that." Scully nodded slowly. "Okay," she said slowly. "But as long as we're putting things out there, you need to know that as much as I'd like a baby, I'm not going to have one. Not now." Skinner's hold on her tightened. "Fair enough," he said evenly. //But she carries condoms just like me, and just like me, she doesn't use them.// He let the thought go for another time. She left him, diffidently, with a gentle kiss, to go to Mulder. After a hectic day in San Diego and an agonising trip down memory lane at Mirramar Naval Base, she hauled herself with some effort into her fleet sedan and drove home. It was past office hours at the Bureau; she would keep the car til tomorrow. As much as she adored her fully restored Morris Mini, with its metallic burgundy exterior, its wooden dashboard, and its ecru velour interior; it didn't have a CD stacker. //Not yet//, she thought, promising herself one with a grin. She pulled up on the street across the road from her apartment building and checked her watch, mentally cursing herself for the thousandth time for buying in Annapolis. Okay, she'd own the place in six years, as against twenty in Washington; but somehow that fourteen years' difference was preferable to the forty minutes' difference in travel time - or so it seemed at eleven at night. With the sigh of an overtired public servant, she dragged herself out of the car and into the building, her body groaning with every step. She let herself into her apartment with relief. The telephone rang. Scully picked up the cordless breathlessly. Once she would have answered, "Yes, Mulder?". But now, it could be Skinner. Times had changed. So she said simply, "Hello?" It was neither Skinner nor Mulder. It was Kim Cooke. "AD Skinner's been shot." COMING SOON: Someone I Trusted IV: The Apocryphal File, in which Scully decides to try for a baby, after all Someone I Trusted V: Sharon's Reprise, in which Skinner is torn between Sharon and Scully Someone I Trusted VI: Interlude, in which Susannah Skinner holidays with Scully and Skinner Someone I Trusted VII: Terma's Shadow, in which Scully answers Skinner's jealousy with a commitment Someone I Trusted VIII: Memento Mori, in which Scully and Skinner discover she cannot have children Someone I Trusted IX: Susannah, in which Susannah comforts her father and Scully Someone I Trusted X: Ground Zero, in which Skinner deals for Scully's life - and fertility Someone I Trusted XI: Monkey Babies, in which Scully turns to "Mulder" for solace Someone I Trusted XII: Redux, in which Scully turns on Skinner Someone I Trusted XIII: Redux Schmedux, in which Scully seeks Skinner's forgiveness Someone I Trusted XIV: Pendrell's Legacy, in which Mulder offers a solution