X Files The Lowest Form Of Wit Collection
LAST UPDATED: 2003
I'm not known for my humour stories, and there's a reason for that. But they amused me to write, and it's possible that some poor soul out there is every bit as twisted as I am. So, here they are - for better or worse.
A Family Affair|
"Do come in," Morticia said. "Mind the booby-traps." Alex and Marita looked at one another and shared a moment of understanding. Clearly, their neighbours were their kind of people. Addams Family crossover.
Something About The Way You Look Tonight
Marita comes home. Alex and his alien buddies have been drinking. Why is the Bounty Hunter worried about cooties? Why is he searching for an Elton John MP3? And what is the stiletto doing in the sponge cake?
At Least The Brunette Is Smiling
This William POV on Existence is bad, bad, bad. And I bet you think I'm kidding.
Krycek, Marita, Mulder and Diana decide to reward the writer who gave them so much nookie. Chaos ensues. Several characters were assassinated to bring you this parody, along with a good dose of my artistic ::cough:: integrity.
A Teletubby X File
"You know, Scully, maybe there is benevolent life on other planets." Teletubbies crossover, sheer silliness.
Recent Site Updates
17 November 2013: In The Limits Of Perception, the world is seen through the eyes and stolen thoughts of young Tom Riddle, while in Real, the complicated marriage and friendship between Rodolphus and Bellatrix is explored.
4 November 2013: In Not Loveless and Dark Knight, Bella's return from Azkaban in the Biophilia universe are explored, while in The Edge of Reality, Tom is intrigued when Bella sees through his manipulations - and doesn't seem to mind.
8 September 2013: In Biophilia and Chameleon, Voldemort's complex and flawed relationships with his mother, his Horcruxes, and Bella are explored, while in One's Station In Life, Bella's father asks the Dark Lord to get her under control, and plays unwittingly into their hands.
6 July 2013: In Proxy, Lucius does the unthinkable to spare his wife, while Bellatrix and the Dark Lord are caught in a web of lies, manipulation, and their own twisted brand of love in The Kings and Queens of May, Into The Donacon, and Damnable.
27 February 2013: In Mark of Cain, Narcissa Malfoy learns a secret about her husband that turns the tables on their lifeless marriage, and in Garden of Memories, she and Lucius defend each other and their marriage from the Dark Lord, risking everything they've worked to save.
20 December 2012: In Witch Break A Vow, Astoria Greengrass learns that sometimes there are no good choices, only ones that contain the damage.
23 October 2012: In Silver Starlight and Golden Wine, Narcissa's wedding night is a journey of trust. It's a standalone moment in the Blue Vial universe, but it can be read on its own. Meanwhile, in Folie A Deux (Madness of the Two), Voldemort and Bellatrix lead each other deeper into madness.
14 October 2012: In Under Your Skin, a small piece of unashamed Hallowe'en fluff, seventeen-year-old Tonks flirts shamelessly with her Potions Professor. Snape gives as good as he gets. Also added Want You To Want Me, a standalone Sons of July missing scene, in which Tonks seduces a willing Lucius for her own ends - but both get more than they bargained for.
22 September 2012: In Of Vials Blue and Shades of Grey, Narcissa knows there is another woman, but learning who and why makes for hard choices to bring them all through. Narcissa POV on The Blue Vial. Also, in Spoken For, we meet the Pureblood children of Hogwarts whose marriages have already been arranged when they arrive.
8 September 2012: In The Blue Vial, Lucius offers Tonks a choice between an easy death and the means to endure the torture he has been instructed to inflict on her. The resulting revilement/sympathy between them will be both their comfort and their imprisonment for the rest of their lives. Also posting a major update to The Substitute (half as long again) and minor edits to Two Of A Kind: Yule Interlude.
12 June 2012: In The Substitute, Lucius and Tonks enter a marriage of convenience to facilitate Narcissa and Draco's escape, and facilitate her infiltration of the Death Eaters. It soon becomes a folie a deux - for them, and for Snape as well. Tonks is torn between who she is and who she pretends to be.
8 May 2012: In Sons of July, the arranged marriage and deep friendship between Lucius and Narcissa sets the scene for the Dark Lord's last stand. They and their private loves, spies Nymphadora and Severus, all have secrets, and sacrifices will be needed along the way. Meanwhile, in Awake, Narcissa draws on her every reserve to help her imprisoned husband hang on to his mind.
7 April 2012: In Kill To Be Kind, an AU battle scene set at Malfoy Manor, Lucius and Tonks debate the relative merits of loving and killing one another. Also, I've revived an old story, Between Worlds, which I took down at one time in response to fandom developments that no longer appear to be at issue. In this crackpot Chamber of Secrets missing scene, Moaning Myrtle meets a ghost who isn't quite dead yet. Non-explicit underage fumblings and humour ensue.
4 January 2012: In Two Of A Kind: A Yuletide Interlude, Andromeda comes to terms with her flight from her family of origin, against the backdrop of Nymphadora's and Lucius' growing attachment. Meanwhile, in Fair Fight, a humour SSHG piece, Snape is a reluctant war hero, and the witches come a-courting. To his bemusement, Hermione is one of them.
8 December 2011: In Part 4 of Two Of A Kind, Tonks allows herself to see who Remus really was, while the final chapter sees both Lucius and Tonks make their peace with their lost loves and face their future together.
15 October 2011: Part 3 of Two Of A Kind sees Harry Potter's Lucius torn between the wife he lost and the woman he loves now.
2 October 2011: A site overhaul, a new Harry Potter theme, and special pages for some of the other collections (especially TSCC, which is on the backburner but not forgotten).
1 October 2011: I've restored my translations page, and added a Chinese translation of I Enjoy You with thanks to Joanne. :)
26 September 2011: In the postwar ficlet I Enjoy You, Hermione uses a willing Snape to make Ron jealous, only to find she's happy right where she is. Meanwhile, Two of a Kind Part 1 and Part 2, an AU postwar novella, sees Lucius and Tonks widowed and finding their way through grief together. (Work in progress).
28 August 2011: In Vigil, Hermione takes a moment by a lonely grave, to reflect on the schoolgirl crush who became her hero.